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He loves me? No. I love me.

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When it comes to women and relationships, there’s nothing more frustrating than to see intelligent, strong, successful, self-sufficient, well-travelled, beautiful women succumb to desperation. Desperation because of a man. Desperate for the love of a man. In extreme cases, it doesn’t even matter which man. Just any man will do.

He’s got a kid, is getting divorced, has a bad relationship with his ex, and is obviously excited to be single again. He tells you he’s not ready now, but he’ll get there. He tells you he’s searching for himself, but that he would like you to stick around while he takes his lovely time. You’re in your 30s and he seems ‘nice enough.’ You stay because part of you thinks he will decide he’d rather be with you than revel in his newfound singlehood. You stay because you believe he will choose you.

Wishful thinking, perhaps?

He’s perfect, except when he blows you off after promising to take you to dinner two weeks ago. He’s perfect, except when he expects you to rearrange your life around his schedule. He’s perfect, except when he speaks to you condescendingly. He’s perfect except when he feels threatened by your success. He’s perfect, except when he takes his mother’s side over yours. He’s perfect, except when you catch him in a lie.

Seriously now…

We, women, tend to overanalyse every, single detail and explore the 10 different scenarios and interpretations we’ve concocted with our girlfriends. We, women, can be fickle-minded and can’t really decide if we like guy A or guy B, but we can make it work with either one if we wanted to. Women who are desperate to be in a relationship will even throw her ‘non-negotiables’ out the window just to convince herself the current man in the picture is good enough.

Ladies, we need to love ourselves first and foremost. When we love ourselves, we will not allow ourselves to settle. We will not allow ourselves to be treated with disrespect. We will not allow ourselves to succumb to desperation. We will not allow ourselves to sacrifice happiness for the sake of the idea of happiness based on societal pressures. Desperation is rooted in insecurity, and unless we look our insecurities in the face and tell ourselves WE ARE ENOUGH, no other person can make us feel complete, better or happy.

And as far as our male counterparts go, they’re very simple. Men are simple. Either they think you’re the one, or they don’t.

When a man decides he likes a woman, he will jump through the most impossible hoops just to be with her. I’ve seen the most obnoxious, self-assured, narcissistic men take a 180-degree turn and sincerely try to be better because of a woman. When a man decides a woman is the one for him and he’s ready to commit, she won’t even have time to think because she’ll know. Trust me, you’ll know.

The point is simply this: do not succumb to desperation. Do not waste precious time overanalysing or wondering whether a guy likes you or not, because he will let you know. Instead, spend time learning to overcome self-doubt, insecurities and the need to be loved by a man. Please love and accept yourself first. Besides, a woman who knows her worth is a thousand times more attractive to everyone around her. Including herself.

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